Glass Ceilings

Hey lovely people, this is going to be a heavy one.

Damn it sucks to write this post. You know I haven't been having the best time in life the last few months. It's been hard for a lot of reasons. Getting into the AoS community, going to events and meeting so many great people has made it all a bit easier. It's given me a place where I can get away from work, medical stuff, family and other life stresses.

I don't want to be Ms. Wokehammer. I don't want to be talking about problems or issues in the hobby. I want to make me eels go fast, have a laugh and a break from the stress.

But this needs to be said. Not just for me, but for anyone who doesn't fit the mould.

Playgrounds

If you're reading this as a cis gender heterosexual white guy I really need you to trust me here. It might not make sense to you, it might not be obvious and you might think it doesn't exist. But anywhere any organisation is primarily composed of cisgender white hetrosexual guys it immediately becomes incredibly difficult for anyone outside that to break in.

Let's talk playgrounds. Say you're sporty Tom (no offense intended to Toms), you play football everyday at lunch with your sporty friends. You've always played football together, you sit together in class, you talk about the same things, you laugh at the same jokes, you talk about girls, you all wear the same types of clothes and look pretty similar. After football you always go and eat together before class.

One day you're picking teams for the football. There are two players left to pick from. You've got Dave and Aisha. They're both pretty good at football, it's hard to say who is better.

But you know Dave. He's one of the guys, he gets on with everyone else, loves to talk about football and always has good banter. You don't have anything against Aisha but... Well she isn't one of the lads. She doesn't joke like the rest of you. She doesn't really like to talk about football outside the game and really you play better as a team when everyone is part of the same dynamic.

So you pick Dave. Even if Aisha was a little better you'd probably still pick Dave. After all it's the team not just the individual. How good would Aisha have to be to be picked?

Problems

The thing is... Life is like that game of football. Often it's the same guys who picked teams at school who pick teams in life.

In my employment all the management are white, they are all middle class, they are hetrosexual and almost all of them are men. The executives above them? It's the same.

And somehow, when it comes to who gets ahead and who doesn't, it's often the same types of people.

Maybe it's because you're Muslim and don't go to team drinks on a Friday, maybe it's because you're trans and it just makes people a little awkward, maybe you're a cis woman but people think you're a bitch just for acting like the men do at work.

But when it comes to networking you're just not in the club.

You don't need to take my word for it. Look at the gender pay gap, look at the racial pay gaps (only available in the US because companies in the UK don't have to report) and look at the number of trans girls in sex work compared to the rest of the population.

The Sky and the Limit

I've made no secret I want to show there is a place for people like me, women, queers, trans or from difficult backgrounds, in the hobby.

Not only that but I want to show I can do at the top. That I'm not just there to make up the numbers, but that I'm a fair, fun and tough opponent for anyone to face at the table.

At AoS world's this year's, as far as I am aware, there were four women across the entire event. Not only that, but these women were only on two teams. The USA and Sweden (if I've forgotten anyone I sincerely apologise, but I hope you take the point as valid).

Despite the UK having the biggest and most active competitive scene (other than perhaps the USA) and being the home of Warhammer, there were no women represented. The UK and Ireland all fielded teams of eight players. That's 32 people, all men. As far as I know they were all white, cis and hetrosexual too (again I apologise if anyone falls outside of this, it's hard to get hard facts and stats beyond the basics from photos and streams. It remains the case that this is true of the vast majority).

I don't want that to be the case. I want someone to see women playing on the streams, in the photos on social media and represented across the board.

If that's me? Great, but to be honest it would be a win if it was anyone. Because it shows you can break that ceiling.

And you want to be wrong... So it hurts when you aren't.

You try and tell yourself that fears about bias or "old boys clubs" is just anxiety. Everyone I've met has been lovely at events right? Plus, there are a lot of people who are all really good at Warhammer and a limited amount of slots. I mean, I'm not bad, but it's still my first season. I haven't played team events, I haven't gone 5-0 and I only really play a single army right now. There are a lot of people who are better than me.

So I put my application in to as many teams as I can, hoping someone takes a shot and trusting that people are fair, opened minded and have the right values. That there is a place for people who don't fit the traditional script.

Then you hear something that just knocks the wind out of you and brings all those fears back.

This is not ok

How is it you can be selected for an international team when you're known to be anti-semitic? When it's bad to an extent that multiple TOs know it's an issue. That some people have even given you a nickname referencing your anti-Semitism.

And even after all this. Literally to this very day you are still representing this international team at events and being congratulated on your performance by said team.

Apparently to the leadership of this team it's not a big deal. At least, that's what their actions are showing from the outside. And maybe from the point of view of their backgrounds they really don't get why.

But you know, my step mum who has been in my family since I was six years old is Jewish. Her mother, another grand parent to me, came to the UK after the second world war. She had no parents.

My grandfather on my mother's side took me to White Hart Lane to see a premier league match when I was a kid. He had to explain to me the names the men on the train and in the away stand were shouting at us.

And now, I have to read newspapers and politicians write about "the trans problem" just like they were the "Jewish problem".

But you know, he's part of the club and hey he's really a nice guy and probably doesn't mean it.

Icebergs

Prejudice is like an iceberg. You only see a small part of the whole. For every Tommy Robinson or Nick Griffin, you've got twenty people who "aren't racist but".

If one person can be explicitly prejudiced to the extent it's been an issue at events, that they have a nickname, that they've had to make multiple applogies for incidents. How many people are there who "aren't racist but", "who aren't sexist but", "who aren't transphobic but".

How many people are there who say it's just banter, but they've never been attacked in public or have to hide from the news because their scared what they'll see. Who can have a laugh and a lads holiday, but don't have to wonder if it's safe to travel or if they can hold their partner's hand when they go there.

If you aren't any of these things... But you know someone who is and you didn't take a stand, well you're part of the iceberg too. Because when no one says it isn't ok, when there aren't consequences for those actions, then you're enabling that behaviour.

You're allowing someone to keep making Warhammer unwelcome and unsafe for people who already face an uphill battle in society.

Glass Ceilings

So how good at Warhammer do you have to be to get through all that? Maybe we'll find out. Maybe I'll get picked because I'm good enough, maybe I won't get picked because I'm not. Like I say, there are a lot of great players and in some ways I'm just a baby shark.

But please, please don't let me not be picked because of who I am. And don't let people be picked regardless of who they are.

Please, let's have deeds not words. Let's make Warhammer for everyone.